Social
Hard conversations
A long read
The talk under the talk
Two roommates argue about dirty dishes. It sounds like one fight. It is really three.
Walk through
One argument, three layers
Watch the same fight on each layer.
Step 1Layer 1: What happened
"You left the dishes again." "No, two were yours." They argue over facts and blame.
the three conversations
A hard talk runs on three layers at once: what happened, the feelings, and what it says about who I am.
Sources
- Stone, Patton & Heen (2010), Difficult Conversations (Harvard Negotiation Project)
- Gottman (1994), Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (the Four Horsemen, repair attempts)
- Rosenberg (2015), Nonviolent Communication
- Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler (2011), Crucial Conversations
- Rogers, person-centered therapy (empathic listening)
- Fisher & Ury, Getting to Yes
- Stone & Heen (2014), Thanks for the Feedback
- Voss (2016), Never Split the Difference (labeling, tactical empathy)